I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
