Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize