So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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