i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
