3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
