You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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