it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
