I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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