I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize