Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love having hate sex.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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