he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
