She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
