There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
