just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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