I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
