dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
