We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
