My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
