spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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