Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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