Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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