Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
