Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you had me at cake vodka
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I party with great urgency now.
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