um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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