I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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