is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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