Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
