You smell like stripper and shame
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
