My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
