I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
