On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
