Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
