some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
