His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my being single is dangerous.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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