i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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