Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You guys are open that late?

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(703): Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges." (610): You guys are open that late? http://tfl.nu/gb5t

Replies (17) Good night (969) Bad night (3928)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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(856): you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb http://tfl.nu/benk

Replies (34) Good night (4200) Bad night (1089)
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(416): View more from Ontario

we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance

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(416): we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance http://tfl.nu/wkwu

Replies (52) Good night (2034) Bad night (6912)
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(260): View more from Indiana

Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

(661): View more from California

Truer words have never been spoken.

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(260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship. (661): Truer words have never been spoken. http://tfl.nu/p042

Replies (21) Good night (5296) Bad night (1153)
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(519): View more from Ontario

We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

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(519): We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on http://tfl.nu/80ye

Replies (12) Good night (3734) Bad night (1913)
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(419): View more from Ohio

He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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(419): He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry" http://tfl.nu/v0z5

Replies (5) Good night (2399) Bad night (1099)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

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(330): I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face. http://tfl.nu/5edg

Replies (7) Good night (3724) Bad night (1596)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.

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(864): Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants. http://tfl.nu/bdpr

Replies (5) Good night (2115) Bad night (833)
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?

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(509): I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night? http://tfl.nu/36p9

Replies (11) Good night (1010) Bad night (2094)
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(801): View more from Utah

Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

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(801): Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess. http://tfl.nu/8hwd

Replies (8) Good night (4149) Bad night (976)
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(646): View more from New York

but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered

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(646): but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered http://tfl.nu/sriz

Replies (8) Good night (3484) Bad night (840)
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(816): View more from Missouri

i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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(816): i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else. http://tfl.nu/65tn

Replies (1) Good night (1084) Bad night (2896)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.

(513): View more from Ohio

I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.

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(513): I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote. (513): I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now. http://tfl.nu/2ikr

Replies (17) Good night (746) Bad night (1629)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Fuck he won the bet

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(775): He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors (1-775): Fuck he won the bet http://tfl.nu/9wz5

Replies (18) Good night (2451) Bad night (941)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?

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(303): Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob? http://tfl.nu/4t4l

Replies (9) Good night (1014) Bad night (293)

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