do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am