: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.