Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

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  (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it. http://tfl.nu/6xls
  Replies (38) Good night (8807) Bad night (1543)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more

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  (814): To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more http://tfl.nu/cvqr
  Replies (5) Good night (3313) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers

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  (203): Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers http://tfl.nu/86dj
  Replies (11) Good night (854) Bad night (4272)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.

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  (701): she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends. http://tfl.nu/prst
  Replies (13) Good night (1099) Bad night (4253)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now

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  (519): You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now http://tfl.nu/uorn
  Replies (9) Good night (1123) Bad night (3713)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

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  (609): did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? http://tfl.nu/qlm2
  Replies (22) Good night (5387) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?

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  (630): hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night? http://tfl.nu/6bu9
  Replies (5) Good night (2189) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (628): View more from California

  That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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  (628): That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM. http://tfl.nu/93q7
  Replies (56) Good night (7145) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.

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  (850): I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in. http://tfl.nu/gea0
  Replies (4) Good night (787) Bad night (1557)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.

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  (940): Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book. http://tfl.nu/boxy
  Replies (15) Good night (3256) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.

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  (570): I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women. (570): You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force. http://tfl.nu/ij9q
  Replies (6) Good night (1244) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.

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  (785): DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS. http://tfl.nu/jicq
  Replies (14) Good night (1134) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.

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  (818): You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it. http://tfl.nu/2dbt
  Replies (3) Good night (624) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me

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  (206): Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me http://tfl.nu/vrj3
  Replies (2) Good night (607) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music

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  (405): My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music http://tfl.nu/k5xa
  Replies (3) Good night (659) Bad night (341)

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