We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me