textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.