Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am mentally ready for anal.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
