just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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