I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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