after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
