First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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