Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
