I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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