my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it glows. i had to have it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
