I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
