I'm drive I can fine osifer
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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