just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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