ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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