i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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