I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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