yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize