fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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