I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
