instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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