I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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