Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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