Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
