Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
