I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
