No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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