how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
only if we run a train.
done.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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