Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
