Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
