don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
