you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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