Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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