I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
