i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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